The Indignities of Economy Travel

I read an article a few weeks ago- one of those yahoo mail suggests for you- and it was about how to get free upgrades when you travel. One of the ways was to present a business card saying you work for such and such travel agency, travel guide book company, or travel magazine, etc. I tried it out on Enterprise rental car later that week- and it worked! I got a better car for the same price. Small victories.

I decided to try it out with my flight to London on United. The article stressed the importance of dressing nice when trying to get upgraded to first or business class. They won't put someone in first class if they're not dressed for it.

But the business card trick hadn't worked as I'd hoped. It may have had some effect, as I am currently looking at the Greek islands from a window seat, in economy. But this flight is nearly half empty. Indeed, several people are stretched out with a whole row to themselves. The last flight was full, and when I showed my business card to the agent, she said, "United doesn't do that." Then she put me in an aisle seat, which I suppose is at least 20% better than a middle seat, but certainly my professional dress was not necessary.

I wore my electric blue button shirt and black vest. I put my hair up in a fancy style with lots of pins and wore my lapis earrings. My second flight has been on BMI. British Midland is cheap, clean, spacious, and has all the amenities one would expect to find in the economy cabin. The coffee was surprisingly tasty. But the attitudes of the flight attendants are no better or worse than any other carrier.

They always seem annoyed when you ring the call button. Why is that? I rang it twice this flight, the first time because they simply passed me by without offering anything from the lunch cart. I waited until I was sure they hadn't just gone to refill it and then rang the button. The quintessentially British responder seethed rage at this interruption behind his carefully constructed polite exterior. He made it plain to me that I had asked about my meal at an inopportune time and that he would bring my food when it suited him. At least that is what I read between the lines.

Here is the actual conversation:
me: Could I have a lunch please?
him: [sigh] Can you wait until after the turbulence has passed?
me: [pause] Yes of course. I just thought you had stopped serving.
him: [walks away]

He returned shortly with a tray but without any kind of nicety. Later as he passed I asked if they would be serving coffee. He again mentioned the turbulence and said it would be quite some time. Notice I have not mentioned the turbulence. That is because there was none, to speak of.

Finally I rang the bell again and to my great surprise and pleasure, a different attendant arrived.
"Hiya," she said.
"Could I have some coffee please?" I asked.
"D'ya want milk?"
"Yes, thank you."

There were no niceties on her part either but she seemed to think she were just doing her duty, rather than being forced to lowest depths of indignity.

You can be sure the attitudes of the servers in first class are much better, although I wouldn't know as I've never even seen first class on an international flight. They keep that area forward of the boarding door and guard the entrance with a starving pitbull and a former dungeon Mistress repackaged in a blue uniform.

Those of us who can only afford economy are punished for our lack of funding with the ever-present reminder that we are only steerage and we ought not take up any valuable time with requests we clearly have not paid enough to make. This treatment has improved from previous generations of lower-class travel in that we are not de-loused before boarding. Instead we are offered disposable headrest covers.