Dante: Poop Connosieur

Oh that Dante. How I do love him.

Lola Gets Henna'd

Aviv and Israel's Henna. Israel's mother is Indian and his father is Tunisian, so they had an Indian henna pre-wedding ceremony. Aviv was MUCH more excited about this than Israel. He grew up with it his whole life and it had lost its novelty. But Aviv was thrilled to get to wear authentic Indian dress and get the "ethnic" experience.

The brown gunk you see is the henna, which can be wiped off after 5 or 10 minutes and leaves a stain for about a week.

And for the record, I chose the Enrique Iglesias song because it was played during the henna ceremony. I probably would not ever, ever choose that song for any reason otherwise.

Although I did already have it on my computer...for some reason..

Lola Gets Translated

Somebody over at Machsom Watch translated my movie into Hebrew. They posted another copy of the same video with English subtitles. Can you guys believe that? Someone cared enough about my little checkpoint movie to add subtitles in TWO languages!

I don't know if any of you use imovie or similar, but subtitles are a bitch to deal with.

So, that was cool.

Sean Connery has Passed his Peak

I knew it would happen one day.

I always kept Sean Connery at unreachable heights. He held the title of "Sexy Old Guy" right up until this moment.

But sadly, on this, the 29th of August, 2008, Sean Connery has ceased to be hot.

Let's all have a moment of silence.

Please Just Bear With Me

Ok, ok...I know. You've seen these before. I promise there will only be one more, and that will be when I reach #1. And it will conclude the Lola Climbs the NowPublic Charts saga.



The story is here.

Charlie Joins the Fam

Me, Dante, and Charlie went to Hilton Beach, and here is what happened...

Would you get a LOAD of this guy?! I freaking can't get enough of that belly. It's like crack.

And then you know this guy. He's been to Hilton Beach before.

And then, a triptych of Charles with my boobs:

Mr. Sand Face. After an exhausting session of face-wiping, he realized that he was only getting more sandy.





A triptych of the sun setting on the Tel Aviv coast:

5:30pm

7:20pm

7:40pm

And then this, which really...need not and cannot be explained.

Awesome and Funny Stuff that Happened to Me

My third story (out of 13) on NowPublic's front page. This story highlights my impressive ability to promote myself.



Plus, I don't know if anyone noticed, but Seth Freedman, whose column on the uk Guardian I am currently so gaga about, commented on the other blog and then asked if I wanted to meet in person.

Also, Bilha being hilarious again. She showed me this catalog from some supposedly famous "swimming costume" designer named Gideon Oberson. She told me that she was walking around and wandered into the store and decided to try on a swimsuit. She brought the catalog to show me which one she tried on:



As I looked at it, she wryly noted, "But I didn't look like that."

All Hail the Matriarch

We have the habit of going around in our underwear around here. Me, Bilha, and Carmel. Generally if we don't have any guests, the three of us are in our skivvies. This morning as I'm talking to Hazem on IM, Bilha says: Tell him we are all with tusik out...................ask him if he knows what is tusik.

He didn't.

I explained. It's Yiddish for ass.

Then Bilha's landlord rang that he was coming by so she told us we all had to put something on. We each added one item of clothing. Those with naked bottoms added shorts, those with naked tops added shirts.

After he left, Bilha turned to me and said, "Lola. You can take them off now."

And winked.

God I love her.

Wherein Lola Takes the World by Storm, Via Ramallah

One hour after being published on NowPublic, this story is in their top 5 stories of the day. On the front page.



And here are some pictures that did not go public:


Me smoking a hookah at the camp.


Me drinking Taybe, the local beer, at a place in Ramallah.


Hisham's Palace in Jericho.

The Prodigal Son Returns

I originally made this movie for the enjoyment of Carmel and his family, but now that's finished, I thought a few of our friends might enjoy it as well. So here it is.

Nothing special, just an account of the prodigal son returning.

Wherein Lola is Stalked by Blogger

How do they always know where I am?

Yesterday, when I was in Tel Aviv, blogger was in Hebrew. Today, I'm in Ramallah and blogger is in Arabic.

Luckily I know where the buttons are even if I can't read them.

I Was Thinking

Still reading Seth Freedman. His editorial, "Culture of Fear" gets my brain juices frothing. Like when you smell food and your saliva starts a-flowing. His ideas have the same effect on my brain.

Anyway. Culture of Fear. I always thought the US had a monopoly on this. Freedman writes:

Fear of extermination is the ace in the Jewish pack of emotions, and has been capitalised on in spades by the virulent strain of nationalism encapsulated in today's Zionism. Occupy an entire people and crush their hopes and dreams for 40 years? A necessary evil – if we don't then we're done for. Fly in the face of international law, basic morality, and even the central tenets of our own, ostensibly compassionate, religion? Sorry, but you have to understand that "they" all want us dead; it's us or them, from now until eternity.

It's true. This concept goes unquestioned by even the most liberal Israelis. Even Israelis who are against the occupation and against violence have no idea how else to combat the constant threat from the outside.

But those of us who are from the outside can see that this threat is not entirely accurate. Or if it is, it is caused by the fear itself, or the reactions to the fear. The chicken or egg question again.

If the majority of Israelis did not support the occupation or the oppression of Palestinians, it would not continue. But the Israeli public believes what their government and their media tells them.

In questioning what I should do next, what I should do with what I'm learning here, I thought about joining some Palestinian activist organization. But these NGOs are just buying time, and precious little. For real change to come, it has to come from inside Israel. There needs to be an alternative voice. And it needs to be in Hebrew.

The first time I encountered Zochrot I missed the point. Now I understand what they're doing. They are providing that alternative voice.

So...I guess I'm going to learn Hebrew and come back.

I guess I knew that already. But now I know it more.

IDF Run by Angry 3-year-old

I cannot write about this objectively, so I'm writing about it here. First, there was when the IDF closed a mall in Nablus, along with a girls school and a medical center. Then, I went to Hebron and saw for myself the government-sanctioned segregation and economic rape.

Now this.

Closing....an orphanage?? REALLY????

There's a line somewhere back there. See it? It's so tiny. BECAUSE IT'S SO FAR AWAY.

The Guardian interviewed an aid worker at this orphanage, Rasheed:

"I believe that the soldiers who raided the sewing workshop and threw the equipment in the city dump are not truly Jewish. We in ICS know the difference between Zionism and Judaism.

The rest of the article is worth reading, too. But not very easy on the stomach. The Guardian's Seth Freedman also writes:

Appeals by EU politicians, UN representatives, activists in Israel, and even Israeli judges have all fallen on deaf ears, leaving the residents of Hebron under no illusions about the type of opponent with which they are dealing. If all proper channels of intervention turn out to be culs-de-sac, then it's little wonder that the locals turn to the only groups offering to defend their honour, namely the militants of Hamas and Islamic Jihad.

Does nobody have the hindsight to see that this approach does not work? It's not even a matter of right or wrong. They are going to destroy their own country before they kill or expel the last Palestinian.

UPDATE:
I decided, after all, to put this on the other blog too. Fuck objectivity.

Tomi's Housewarming Party

Firstly, how can you people go on with your lives knowing there is a face like this in the world?



How can you...walk and talk and eat...with this FACE...existing....somewhere??!!

Somewhere in the world...these eyes are looking at someone.



Secondly, went to Tomi's housewarming party last night. That's the other Tomi. I'm not talking about myself like a weirdo. Seriously, an actual other person named Tomi. Moran was there, and mostly a lot of people I don't know. But me and Moran were fabulous.



And the second Tomi realizes he's not gay, they will get married.



But that might take a while.

Hebron

Went to Hebron a couple days ago. You can read the other blog for the full analysis of the political/religious situation there, but what you won't find there is the story of the dude I went there with.

I met Ben through Dori, who he met in SF. He's a lawyer and a serious hottie. Problem is, I think because of that, he's used to women acting all stupid around him and doing whatever he wants and giving him all sorts of attention.

I think because I didn't, among other things, we had problems.

I am not going to recount every inconsiderate thing he did all day (like showing up three hours late, making me wait for him for another three hours in a Jerusalem cafe while he ate lunch with a friend, and completely ignoring me for most of the day) but I will tell you that at 8pm in a Jerusalem market, he decided he didn't want to take me back to Tel Aviv and that I was on my own.

The friend of his we were supposed to be meeting at this time was much considerate, however, and he helped us find a taxi that was going to Tel Aviv. Thus, I made it back.

Dori's analysis of the situation says we had problems because we were not sure how to relate to each other. He's an American Jew who speaks Hebrew fluently and is what Dori calls "a victim of a Zionist education." Should I have related to him as an American or an Israeli? Should he have related to me as an American? As an Israeli? As a goya? As a socialist?

I questioned the assumptions of his Zionist education during our long car ride and despite the fact that he passed one of the hardest bar exams in the country, he could not answer my questions logically.

If I were Israeli, I would have called him on his shit a lot earlier than 8pm. But if I were Israeli, he might not have acted that way in the first place. It is possible that, like many American Jews, he idolizes Israelis a bit.

Anyway, I don't regret going. It was an adventure.

Wedding or Rave?

This video is the same one as on the other blog, but these pics you can't see anywhere else.

Here is Dori after a poorly-chosen combination of whiskey, vodka, wine, and hash. Poor Dori. Let the record show Lola kept her cool after utilizing all of the above EXCEPT vodka. Vodka=devil's elixir. Right after this, he laid down on the ground about 18 inches from his vomit and tried to sleep.



And, to revisit previous mentionings of the feral cat problem here:



And to emphasize Other Blog's point about Israeli social cohesion, enter this picture:



As Dori and I reviewed it, I said, "You're trying to explain something to him and he's looking at you like you're nuts." And he responds, "That's ok, he's been looking at me that way for 20 years."

You've got to be living in a whole new level of denial when you buy a "pack" of 3 cigarettes:



And finally: hi!

Estrogen, Anyone?

Yeah, um....this has no relevance whatsoever. But I cried a little bit while watching it...and just needed to show someone.

At Shawarma Last Night

Dori orders for both of us in Hebrew and the guy asks, "Do you want spicy?"

Dori answers, "It's for one Ashkenazi and one American."

Dante Goes to Hilton Beach

The beach for dogs and gays. Or...gays with dogs.

My Edumacation

I'm unstoppable.

How It Is

I have receieved several worried emails from loved ones who express concern over my recent activities. I wanted everyone to know that my little jaunts to checkpoints and protests and bomb-riddled kibbutzim are not how I spend the majority of my time. The majority of time is spent doing some variation of this:



Some friends were shooting a just-for-fun movie at the beach and arrived with several props. While we waited for everyone else to show up, we started messing around with the props and the location and this is what came of it.

Tear Gas Powers Snot Rocket

This was my experience at the Bil'in protest on Friday. My professional analysis can be found on the other blog. I didn't think this portion really fit in there.

Carmel, as a 60 year Old Woman

I have come to realize that Bilha, Carmel's mother and my host for the summer, is quite a funny lady. And I have decided to share a few moments with you. Keep in mind that these things would be annoying, not funny, if they were said seriously. But because Bilha is always laughing at everything, they are not annoying.

Item #1, in response to my obvious mac-ddiction:

Bilha: What are you doing with your computer now?

me: nothing.

Bilha: What do you mean nothing? Are you cuddling it?

Item #2, in response to the fact that I had not yet fed Dante by 10:30pm:

Bilha: Dante, your mommy doesn't love you. She should feed you first.

me: I feed him after me.

Bilha: Will you feed your kids after you, too? What a Jewish mother I am! Eh?

Item #3, in response to me eating at the kitchen counter:

Bilha: You could sit down to eat, you know? My mother always said if you eat standing up, your feet will get fat.

me: Your mother also used her pointer finger to give "the finger."

Wherein Lola is Once Again Famous

This is actually getting a bit tedious. The media following me around all the time, wanting my stories...and when they can't get my stories they take photos of me instead. Next I'll be driven to promiscuity, alcoholism, and driving with my kids on my lap.

I vant to be alone!

I just found out I was on the front page of Friday's paper. Haaretz is the liberal newspaper for the educated Israelis. Or at least that's what my friends tell me.

Link to my shiksa tuckus here.

Israel Inspires Fun, Health

Tan, thin, and high.



My respite from all my heavy-duty thinking is Israel and Aviv's apartment in Rehovot, where we smoke, play Xbox, and watch movies.

Photos of my Week

Some of my favorite photos from Ziqim and nearby city Ashquelon.


The menorah made out of missiles.











And, one you can't see anywhere else, folks:


I just thought it was funny in an ironic sort of way.

Nobody is Dead

Frick-n-Frack.

Something like 20 qassam (missiles) fell on ziqim today. The "period of quiet" as they called it, seems now like a chance to stockpile weapons. This is more qassam in one day than ever before. And there's a fire, a big one, which has also never happened before.

I am sitting here reeking of smoke, dirt, and animal shit.

But nobody was hurt. Not even the sheep, in whose pen one of the qassam fell.

I can hear the planes and helicopters overhead, and the automatic weapon fire in the distance. After the first few bombs, the nearby army base mobilized and sent Hamas running, so that should be all for today, unless they have something spectacular planned.

There will of course be pictures and video, but in the meantime, check out my Flickr stream, where I put all the photos I took before the bombs started: http://www.flickr.com/photos/26472288@N04/

As I sit here and think of what stands out about today the most, I realize it is how much peoples' ideals change in the face of crisis. Everyone I interviewed during the 7 days there were no bombs had a very leftist view. They were for peace and understanding. But as they survey the burnt landscape of their home, they say to me, "This is what Gaza should look like. We could kill them all in 2 days."

And I repeat to myself an idea which has been coming to fruition for some time: that it takes more courage to love than to hate. And now that I know this, I cannot turn my back on anyone. Not the men who launch the missiles and not the kibbutz victims who wish them dead. What they have in common is the belief that their actions are justified.

Americans Promote Bad Juju

I went to a tour today, sponsored by the Zochrot organization (literally "remembering") of a former Palestinian village called Khirbat al-Lawz. It was demolished by Israel and made into a national park.

And I'm like so what?

While I do not take sides in this conflict, ever, I went there with the opinion that this is what is meant by "spoils of war" and that if you engage in a turf war, you're risking your turf. Both in 1948 and 1967, Arabs lost. They lost their turf. And Israel did with it what it wanted. However, I went on this tour hoping that I could hear the other side of the argument. Because one side of an argument is useless without its other half.

The highlight of the tour was Abu Azi, a villager who lived in Khirbat al-Lawz and fled with his family in 1948. He is old, walks slowly, and speaks softly. He addressed the group in quiet Arabic, which was then translated into Hebrew by the tour leader. Very few attendees were Israeli, in fact most spoke English at least as a second language, but this didn't seem to matter to the tour leader who announced early on, "If you need translation into English, help each other." Help each other? You've got to be kidding me.

Firstly, Mr. Tour Guide, Americans do not help each other.

Most attendees, besides being non-Israeli, were journalists, filmmakers, or activists. Anyone with a camera pushed others out of the way to get a better shot of Abu Azi- a real life Palestinian villager! Their translators made a concerted effort not to let anyone besides their clients hear their translations. They huddled in close circles that did not permit outsiders to hear.

Finally I found myself wondering, why is the international media swarming all over this? The village had 500 people (something I learned from the booklet they distributed, the back page of which was in English). Nothing was explained coherently. I feel like it's because the tour operators assumed anyone coming on this tour would understand its significance. And they seemed to, but not because of their translators.

40 minutes it took to get to this dirt road near Jerusalem. 40 minutes I listened to them crap out of their mouths. 40 minutes they patted each other on the back about how progressive they are. But not once did any of them say anything meaningful.

At the mountain above the village, they paused to hammer in a sign that said, in three languages, "Khirbat al-Laws was a Palestinian village." This was where the photographers all hurt each other the most, trying to get the best photo of Abu Azi next to the sign. Then the group descended down the mountain to have the former locations of houses pointed out. I started to go down with them, then I thought, what am I doing? I couldn't understand the tour anyway and I was already starting to become bitter- that group had bad juju and it was getting to me.

I sat myself down on a rock, determined to just sit and enjoy the view instead. As they descended further down the mountain with their signs, talking amongst themselves in small groups, I found that I felt more at peace and more enlightened as the circus descended away from me and I was left in silence.

The Threat of/at Iran

I am so fucking nervous about Iran. Not necessarily that Iran will attack anybody, but that Israel and the US will fall for Iran's tricks. Ahmadinejad is not stupid. He KNOWS that Bush and Olmert are contemplating attacking him and that the deadline for this attack is when Bush leaves office. If he didn't want this attack to happen, there are a million and one ways he could avoid it. But he's pushing for it. With his hate speech and with his unwillingness to share information.

What that tells me is that he's ready for us. This will not be like Afghanistan or Iraq, where are leaders could pretend we're making progress. He will annihilate us. And Israel. I just know he's got something spectacular up his sleeve.

But unfortunately, Israel and the US are both run by chimpanzees.